A Bustle in my hedgerow

Here we are, back here again, I find myself trying to make sense of it all

Do I struggle with my observation skills, or is this a ‘you’ problem?

I’m trying to maintain a steady course, but there is turbulence

There is a bustle in my hedgerow

 

I debate the idea of launching a full-scale investigation

But are there answers to be found?

Should I creep out into the night and try to identify the noise?

Or should I pretend like I didn’t hear it?

 

Ignorance is bliss, but how can one make themselves ignorant?

This bustle, it is a distinct sound that not even the deaf could ignore

Is it just a small animal that will pass in time?

Or is it something bigger, that may wreak havoc upon my reality?

 

Small things gather wearing trenchcoat disguises

Making themselves appear much larger than they actually are

Sneaking into restricted movies, and buying cigarettes

Creating a facade that is believed by the naive

 

They say this too shall pass, but I tend not to believe what ‘they’ say

‘They’ always have an opinion, and if I listened to them I would sink

‘They’ live inside the confines of my mind, influencing and pressuring my decisions

I hate them, and everything they stand for

 

The truth is that I have no idea what I have done or what I can do to make it better

The images flash through my mind, the bullet, the chamber, release

If this was truly an option the skies would have gone dark years ago

I guess I just have to have faith, that I am on the path that’s been set for me

 

My options are limited, and each day will bring a new sun

A sun I cannot control, or ask to stay in bed just a little longer

I cannot stop the hands from moving

The clock is wise, concise, and completely irrelevant.

 

 

Death by Success

Some days I feel like I could conquer the world

Other days, not so much

It’s a strange conundrum when you really think about it

Finding my place in the world

Ready to curl up and die

 

The world is my oyster

The world is my shark

My head needs more room to fit my ego

We’re gonna need a bigger boat

 

I wish there was some sort of happy medium

Perhaps my brain could sit still

But there is no in-between

Take over the world, or feed the worms

 

One day I am unstoppable, no way to lose

Suddenly I become an anchor, my whole purpose to sink

On top of the mountain, defying all odds

To being lured by the tempting light of the angler fish

 

Delusions of grandeur tricking the mind

A subtle, swinging noose in the basement

Unstoppable, important, and relevant

Easy to forget

 

How is one to decipher reality amongst all the fiction?

Which part of my brain is a liar?

I know I can’t stop, and on principle, I won’t.

But if you hear about me before then, just know it’s not what I wanted.

 

Pebbles

Some days rocks may smash your face

Drop you right back in your place

That kind of pain can motivate

Causing rage to elevate

 

Other days the water’s clear

The pain and worry disappear

But then the waves come, water’s brown

And a single pebble knocks you down

 

Big things are a challenge, push you to the edge

Small things pile up, send you to the ledge

The straw that broke the camel’s back

The tiny blood clot; heart attack

 

Some day’s the little things carry all the weight

They pelt you when you’re down, they do not hesitate

One day you’re made of iron, skin is made of steel

Next day all the little things, that pain they make you feel

 

Some days all the pebbles, feel like they weigh a ton

Some days your legs are broken, and you’re unable to run

Some days you want to conquer all, step right out of your shell

Some days you wish would go away, because they feel like hell

 

It doesn’t seem to matter if things are going right

The demons in your head are always looking for a fight

Absorb the massive blows, take the heavy hits

Soon enough that little pebble, smashes you to bits.

 

 

 

Genocide

Hey Everyone, I want to thank you all for reading all my blogs over the years, I have been working on full-length novels as well, and have recently had my book ‘Genocide’ published by Breaking Rules Publishing.  I will continue to write blogs and poems on this site, but I wanted to express my appreciation for all your support with my writing.

If you are interested in checking out the book it can be found here:

https://www.breakingrulespublishing.com/store/p268/Genocide_by_Aaron_Lebold.html

 

Thanks again!

 

Time

They say that when there’s blood in the streets, it’s time to buy property

Can’t say I put a lot of stake in what “they” say, but they raise a valid point

Opportunity comes rarely, and if you blink, it’s easy to miss

What is our currency?  Time is the only thing that truly matters.

 

It doesn’t matter how fat your wallet is, or what social circle you run with

Time doesn’t care.  Time doesn’t discriminate, nor does it favor the rich

Time is a gift we have all been given, the only thing that is equally dispersed

We have been given the luxury of time, yet we can’t wait for it to be over

 

What would you do if you had all the time in the world?  Rich with seconds and minutes.

You can spend it faster than lottery winnings, it burns a hole in your pocket

Time does not negotiate, no matter how skilled your tongue

It slips away while you’re sleeping, sneaks off into the night

 

You may have big plans, but where are you investing?

Excuses destroy time, more efficiently than any serial killer you have ever idolized

When time is forced upon you, how will you distribute it?

There are no savings accounts, no stocks or bonds that negotiate in this currency

 

Living forever is impossible, time stops for no one, no matter how great

There is blood in the streets, perhaps it’s time to buy property

Spend it while you have it

But don’t waste it on bullshit.

 

Quarantine

The world is slowly becoming a different place, plagued by panic and fear

I can’t say much has changed for me

Isolation has always been the cornerstone of my existence

But with this pandemic there will be memories

 

What did you do when the earth stood still?

How did you spend your time?

What do you have to show for months of isolation?

What did you accomplish during this free pass to stay away from the majority?

 

This is a worthy time for self-reflection, and time to ask yourself some real questions

The problem is that it’s hard to remember the questions when you have time for answers

Like all those songs that you wanted to acquire

That you suddenly forget when you have access to all the music in the world

 

Stir crazy and confused, who knows how much time remains?

Constant self-inflicted pressure to change the world with this strange opportunity

Want to spend the time doing nothing, but also doing everything

Such a dichotomy,  such a tug-of-war of the mind

 

This is a historic moment in our lives, never to be forgotten

What memories will you permanently fasten to the experience?

It’s like a dream come true, and a nightmare all the same

No more excuses.  Time to get to work.

Questions

Searching my mind, scouring my soul

What is the purpose?

The days are moving faster, blending together

Does it make any difference?

Days turn to months, months into years

Am I relevant?

I look at my heroes, the impact they’ve had

Can this be me?

Advertising and media say what’s important

Are they credible?

Millions of words strung together every day

Are they saying anything?

You bitch and complain about what I don’t do

Are we all miserable?

What I wouldn’t give for a little Serotonin

Is something wrong with me?

Simple things seem to amuse the masses

Is it over my head?

We are all expected to fit neatly into a box

Am I misshapen?

Tumbleweeds floating through the minds of the majority

Am I insane?

Small talk and life comparisons are standard for many

Am I different?

Simple goals can satisfy the average person

Who am I?

Agoraphobia

I have grown accustomed to the world inside my head

Made some strong connections with with monster in my bed

It may not be an easy place to rest my head at night

But in the dark I’m comfortable, hiding from the light

 

It’s taken so long to construct all the walls circling my mind

Endless hours of mortar and brick, hard to leave it all behind

When I step outside, the sun hits my eyes

I’m cold from the wind and I cringe from the lies

 

I’ve built a little sanctuary just out of sight

Constructed so thick it keeps out the light

Whenever I leave my head starts to spin

So often I just retreat back within

 

Time has no meaning in this place in my head

But if I stay here too long time will pass ’til I’m dead

The time has arrived to leave the confines of home

But I’m nearly certain I can’t do it alone

Broken Glass

Without the first step, the journey can’t begin

Shoes are very heavy, filled with fear and sin

Rise from bed to make the trek, but something holds you back

Physically you’re able, but mentally you lack

 

Obstacles and danger, obstruct the only way

Temptation always lingers, to put it off another day

All worst case scenarios playing through your mind

The challenges in sight are but a fraction you will find

 

How can a single step seem like such a daunting task?

Surely it’s impossible without a vial or a flask

If I procrastinate for long enough perhaps these thoughts will pass

The first step I need to make is right through the broken glass

 

I may not be so well equipped, my soles are wearing thin

My feet have grown quite tender, softening the skin

What if the shards cut right through, right down to the bone

Then I will also be in pain, instead of just alone

 

This decision shouldn’t be so fucking hard to make

It’s just a single step, it should be effortless to take

So why do I have all off these overwhelming doubts?

The whispers in my head have grown to yells and shouts

 

I cannot put it off, for even one more day

All these nagging voices, need to go away

So here I go, upon on foot will go all of my mass

Directly in scattered mess of painful broken glass

Wake Up

The weight of a thousand second guesses

In the dark of night he finally confesses

Fear has caused the walls to cave

Stuck in himself like a drowning slave

 

Retreated so far to the back of his mind

Afraid to move forward, unsure what he’ll find

Comfort at the bottom, expectations are low

Stuck in a hole with no room to grow

 

What if he’s wrong about all his dreams?

What if his world is not how it seems?

So much ambition to be like his muses

But why does it seem like he always loses?

 

Put in the effort and feel like success

Fall on your face and feel like a mess

I know that the formula says fall and rise

But what if the words that guide me are lies?

 

What if his purpose is not what he thought?

What was the point of the battles he fought?

What if he finds he is nothing exceptional?

Was he meant to give up? His failure intentional?

 

Can’t live without trying, can’t try without living

It’s time to wake up and some effort, start giving

But it takes so much effort just to get out of bed

I wish that my demons would vacate my head